No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
