I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
