Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
