smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's shark week go big or go home
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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