I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
