She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
