This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
