we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
