if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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