Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
