She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
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It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
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She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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