I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
