We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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