hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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