never play flip cup with pint glasses
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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