I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
