how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
