You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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