Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
