Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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