It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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