Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
