my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
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i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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