Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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