so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's official drugs can't kill me
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
