Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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