I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
