Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
