someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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