Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
this is an emotional support booty call
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
