he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
there is glitter all over my balls
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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