Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
