I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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