i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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