Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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