He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
