I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
