I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
