She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
