well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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