Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
