i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
