he thought i was a dude.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
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I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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