I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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