A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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