SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
