I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
