The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
