he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
