you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We have started to decorate penises.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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