After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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