...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
