I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
