she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
