I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
