saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
