Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
