I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
