RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
please come you make the beer taste better
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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