thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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