chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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