I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize