so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
