There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
